I Am Just a Quiet Person — Why Is That Such a Problem?

by Sahira Dharamshi

I Am Just a Quiet Person — Why Is That Such a Problem?

17 Dec 2024

Shy, quiet, introverted. A few words I have grown to be all too familiar with over the years. Words that others have felt they can use to describe me without really getting to know me.

These words don’t seem bad themselves. It was the intent behind their use that made their association so negative. In school, teachers used them to say I didn’t understand the topics in class; in work scenarios, bosses used them to overpower me; and in friend groups, they were used to knock me down or somehow make me feel like my opinions were not as significant.

When it was pointed out to my teachers that my grades showed I wasn’t falling behind — in fact, I was doing well — they still struggled to accept that my quietness was just a personality trait, not a problem. I deviated too far from the box they wanted to place me into. I was a quietly capable student, and to them, that was the greatest oxymoron of all. Sadly, what shaped me — quiet, reserved, and cautious — was the constant critique that made me feel I needed to change.

However, no matter what hat, shoe, or blazer I tried on, the fit was never comfortable. I wrestled with the awkward-fitting clothing, determined to make it work. But how could it be that nothing felt flattering? I was trying to be something that pleased others and society — shouldn’t that have made the clothing fit? Quite the opposite, in fact. When you try on something that isn’t inherently you, it will always look forced and feel just a bit off.

Image: Midjourney x The Sandy Times

I would often wonder what was wrong with me, and I tried to push myself out of my comfort zone continuously. While stepping out of your comfort zone is always beneficial, it is often best to ensure you are ready for it. Personally, I ended up struggling with anxiety until one day, I asked myself, “What am I doing all this for?” — and came up blank. No matter how hard I tried to achieve “perfection,” people would always find something to critique if they wanted to. Maybe it is being too shy or too confident — whatever the reason, the thing that needs to change isn’t you but how much space those people occupy in your life. You don’t need to change who you are just because you don’t fit neatly into someone else’s checkbox.

In education, during such crucial years of our development, we should be encouraged to stay true to ourselves while, where necessary, being gently guided to build confidence and step out of our shells. But two important factors must be considered: 1) ensure there is actually a shell they need to come out of, and 2) don’t begin by making someone feel like they are not enough. Instead, try to be encouraging and ensure that the person is ready. Because that is when the magic happens.

Image: Midjourney x The Sandy Times

And for all of you who have been labelled shy and quiet, things do get better — just cut yourself some slack. I went from hiding in bathrooms to avoid mingling with strangers for a moment longer to attending my first fashion week and interviewing strangers. As I grew up and let go of the pressure to prove others wrong, it became easier to challenge myself.

I stopped thinking that being shy made me less capable or that others saw me that way. I stopped wearing the cloak others had placed on me and embraced the fact that I wasn’t going to be the one leading every conversation or waving my hand in classrooms shouting, ‘Pick me, pick me!’ When I let go of those expectations, growth followed.

I realised there is such a thing as being quietly confident. Just because I don’t naturally take charge of discussions or feel the need to show off my knowledge doesn’t mean I am any less certain about the topics I care about. It might take me longer to provide input, but when I do, it is always thoughtful and certain.

We all process the world differently, so why try to make everyone the same? It is our differences that make life interesting and define who we are.

To conclude, don’t feel pressured to be anything other than yourself. Growth and confidence naturally come with time and new experiences, but don’t stress if they don’t happen right away. The only person you need to be better for is the one staring back at you in the mirror.

Don’t waste your time trying to fit into someone else’s checkbox. At school, they are always telling us to “think outside the box,” so what is wrong with being outside of it too?

by Sahira Dharamshi