22 Sept 2025
I used to be terrified of being alone. Like most people, I filled evenings with noise: bars, parties, half-hearted dinners, random men who thought ordering drinks was a personality trait. Anything to avoid the silence of being with myself.
And then it hit me: maybe it wasn’t loneliness I was avoiding. Maybe it was solitude. And maybe solitude was the thing I actually needed all along.
Even Carrie Bradshaw, queen of endless cosmopolitans and questionable boyfriends, finally admitted it in the last season of And Just Like That: sometimes it is better to be alone than keep auditioning bad company. And if Carrie — who made a career out of brunches, gossip, and shoes — can learn to sit with herself, maybe we can too.
Image: Midjourney x The Sandy Times
Loneliness vs. Solitude
They sound similar, but they couldn’t be more different.
Loneliness is unwanted isolation. It is scrolling through your phone at midnight wondering why nobody cares. It is emptiness, anxiety, FOMO. It hurts. It is linked with higher risks of depression, cardiovascular disease, and even shorter lifespan. Basically, it is your body waving a red flag.
Solitude, on the other hand, is chosen space. It is the coffee you sip alone and actually enjoy. The book you read without distraction. The walk you take without your phone. Solitude lowers cortisol, improves creativity, and builds emotional resilience. Writers, philosophers, monks — they have known this forever. Science is just catching up.
So no, being alone doesn’t automatically equal being lonely. Sometimes it is the smartest boundary you will ever set.
Image: Midjourney x The Sandy Times
The social pressure problem
Society hates solitude. We are told to collect friends like keychains, to always be networking, dating, brunching, mingling. If you say you spent Friday night alone, people look at you like you have been exiled to Siberia.
But let’s be real: how many of those nights out are actually fulfilling? How many conversations at bars leave you better than before? How often is the company you’re so desperate to keep just… filler?
I have realised: I had rather drink coffee alone than cocktails with someone who thinks CrossFit is a personality. I had rather read a book in silence than sit through another round of small talk with a dude who can’t pronounce Nietzsche.
Image: Midjourney x The Sandy Times
Science backs it up
Studies show solitude enhances focus and problem-solving. Spending just 15 minutes alone in nature lowers stress hormones and improves mood. Even brief “digital detox” solitude (no phone, no screens) resets your overstimulated nervous system.
Meanwhile, bad social connections are worse than no connections at all. Research in psychology calls it “toxic social support” — relationships that drain more than they give. And yet we cling to them because we are afraid of what happens if we are left with… ourselves.
How to choose solitude without fear
- Reframe it.
- Schedule it.
- Detox your circle.
- Own the narrative.
Loneliness is what happens when you run from yourself. Solitude is what happens when you finally realize you were the best company all along.
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